before it really ever begun.
I smelled autumn for the first time today. I can't wait to hop in the shower with my array of Pumpkin smelling products. However there are a few summer questions I'd like to pose to the blog world while the last few moments of summer slip away:
1. Why did gladiator style sandals make me look like an actual gladiator, marching off to the Colosseum to fight a lion or a bear or Russell Crowe? Other girls could rock 'em, but my man-calves just made them look God-awful on me.
2. Where was all the humidity? I'm moving South after Illinois. Fuck this shit.
3. I thought there was a recession but with the way people shopped at the Marsh this summer, you'd never know. Why did people feel a need to buy 10 pair of gladiator-style sandals? Do they know something I don't? Could Zombies be an actual threat? (Sorry that last one is always a lingering question in my mind.)
4. Why do Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts taste like cake batter? They should be called Cake Batter Pop Tarts . . . stop lying to us (and they should be given out for free, they might achieve world peace).
5. Why were kids so darn cute this summer, much more than usual? Latest cute kid alert, some kid asked his dad in layaway if Rey was President Obama. I laughed so hard my sides ached.
6. Why does the big burger cheese cost less then the little burger cheese at 5 Guys? I'm with Fletcher on this, I say we strike til we get some answers!
7. Why did you kill everyone off this summer?
8. Why is Stephen so great?
Today he was asking if I had a "boy" in Illinois and I said, yep. His name is Jordan and he just turned 3 last month. Then he asked me the "dreaded" question . . . "So are you seeing anyone?"
So in the most compact, concise way I explained: I'm best friends with my ex, I can't stand most men and their attitudes towards me, I had a year long crush on someone 3000 miles away, the 3000 miles away part being my favorite part about him. A very nice soon-to-be lawyer has a crush on me, but he calls me baby and has already told me what I should be doing with my life. I've dated someone I've met at a bar . . . never again. I've gone out with a guy who used to sing to me in the first grade who found me through facebook, he was more after the "story." I agree, it would have been a lovely story to tell our grand-kids. Alas. And then . . .
Stephen: And then . . . ?
Me: And then there's the one who has the most in common with Jordan, only I think he definitely has more toys. I thought I liked him, and I thought he liked me, I mean he let me play with his Ewok . .
sidenote: I know what Alison Wonderland is thinking . . . but no this was more like the "banana is so long and hard" comment, made more to myself than for laugh factor. Which probably makes it funnier but wait . . . numero uno reason why I love Stephen.
Stephen (without skipping a beat): Oh girl, boys will always let you play with their Ewoks.
(cue laugh track)
My dating life is one big shitty joke. And I'm oddly okay with that.
Summer '09, save the people dropping like flies thing, you were alright. No real complaints. Stay fly.
Take it away, Beth.
2 comments:
I MISS EVERYONE AT THE MARSH A LOT. (not the job, just the people) and right now I wish I had a mini stephen in my pocket telling me funny things like that.
i got a real word: "shake". sweet.
And we miss you. :(
But I hope you're having an amazing adventure (stress and frustration aside).
Crazy Kira asked Roger if he'd sell her a gun, or if he knew someone who could get her one. She was the "victim" of road rage and doesn't feel safe anymore. OMG. If she gets a gun, I'm coming to stay with you . . .
I shopped with Stephen after work tonight. It was the best.
Did I tell you I miss you? Rey and I are going to see 9 this week, but it won't be the same without you.
Post a Comment