Djarum Black

Say it ain't so.

I just smoked my last one.

And now they're illegal. What the hell!?!!

You make it easy for people to clog their arteries with special deals on Chicken McNuggets, but you won't let me blacken my lungs with a good ole clove cigarette? Is this shit for real!?!!!!

Don't Forget to Smile When You Fall

For a good 1/2 hour this morning, I stayed snuggled under my covers thanking God for all the awkward moments he's spared me this past year running into people I'd rather not at the Marsh. Especially because most of my time has been spent stuck up front in some manner or other, not allowing the easy escape to the break room or stock room my previous position allowed.

Then I thought it would be a great idea to go to the grocery store on a Saturday.

Ran into 3 of those folks. Fuck.


Aaaannnnd that's how life goes folks. Better learn to breathe through it all.



Thanks Leftover Cuties.

Dotted Lines

I never was someone who knew what to say

It sounds beautiful

A beautiful piece from Dinosaur Bees.

The Sound Effects Bible
Larry O. Dean

In the beginning God created the hammering and the electric shaver.

And the cavern was without footsteps, and vacuuming; and darkness was upon the dripping faucet of the sink. And the Spirit of God moved upon the sizzling of the frying pan.

And God said, Let there be light switches: and there was light switches.

And God saw the light switches, that it was good: and God divided the light switches from the doorbells.

And God called the light switches Click, and the dishwasher he called Swoosh.

And the distant plane and the match scratches were the first incoming fax.

And God said, Let there be a floor creak in the midst of the whistling, and let it divide the whipping cream from the washing hands.

And God made the busy signals, and divided the dial tones which were under the hang ups from the ringtones which were above the dogs barking: and it was so.

And God called the coffee grinder Growl. And the garage door and the gas stove were the spigot.

And God said, Let the snoring under the ricochet be gathered together unto one place, and let the alarm clock appear: and it was so.

And God called the toilet flush Gush; and the gathering together of the cheering called he Hooray: and God saw that it was good.

And God said, Let the cell phone bring forth vibrating, the chainsaw yielding buzz, and the modem yielding dial-up after his kind, whose sink draining is in itself, upon the suck: and it was so.

And the explosions brought forth glass, squeaking and breaking after his kind, and the cream yielding shaving, whose scraping was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

And the chattering and the heckling were the studio audience.

And God said, Let there be bravos in the brushing of the carpet to divide the scissors from the sharpening; and let them be for screeches, and for splashes, and for dings, and yells:

and let them be for moos in the clearing of the throats to give ouch upon the eek: and it was so.

And God made two great kisses; the greater kiss to rule the mouth, and the lesser kiss to rule the cheek: he made the smooches also.

And God set them in the oven of the microwaves to give boiling upon the water,

and to rule over the slam and over the deadbolt, and to divide the zip from the zipper: and God saw that it was good.

And the splashing and the sploshing were the motocross.

And God said, Let the bathtub bring forth abundantly the frothing faucet that hath splatter, and keys that may drop onto the bazooka in the open jingle and jangle.

And God created great farts, and every spaceship takeoff that zoometh, which the hair dryer brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every camera click after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

And God blessed them, saying, Be boiling eggs, and bubble, and fill the gusting winds in the hurricanes, and let horses whinny on the slot machines.

And the beep and the burp were the heartbeat.

And God said, Let the ambulance bring forth the siren after his kind, shredder and aerosol can, and bang of the firecracker after his kind: and it was so.

And God made the dentist drill after his kind, and crackling campfire after their kind, and every thing that twangeth upon the train after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

And God said, Let us crash hot rods on our speedways, after our horn honks: and let them have flat tires over the gravel of the roads, and over the screeching of the steel-belted radials, and over the noisy mufflers, and over all the rattling, and over every braking thing that braketh upon the pavement.

So God created ticker-tapes in his own image, in the image of God created he him; effervescence and gurgling created he them.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be beep, and buzz, and bowl the ball, and smack it: and have dominion over the disposal of the garbage, and over the register of the cash, and over every flapping wing that flappeth upon the fire extinguisher.

And God said, Behold, I have given you every wine glass clinking, which is upon the tinkling of all the stemware, and every toaster, in the which is the propellor of everything Cessna; to you it shall be for throttling.

And to every jackhammer of the pneumatic, and to every blender of the liquefying, and to every thing that pureeth upon the velcro, wherein there is chopping, I have given every sputter for splat: and it was so.

And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.

And the helicopter and the laser beam were the can-opener.

Eat Meat

In all seriousness hiding from the world today. Cooked on the grill and made enough of these for the next two day's meals. What can you do with Spicy Mango & Jalapeno Chicken sausages?
Do yourself a favor and watch The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virgina. If you don't love 'em we can't be friends. Have a hillbilly good day and don't forget Shark Week on Discovery.

Sunlight

It's been a bummer summer day.

The Hail Mary

Not too scared that he caught me looking at my past. (Thanks internet history.)
More worried he caught me looking to my future. A future we haven't discussed.


Hung out with Big Jim for a while after work today and watched a few hours of a world poker tour. Got heated when a rookie checked twice with the worst odds before trying to bluff a man who's been playing poker THREE times her whole lifetime.

I believe in Lady Luck, and and the almighty power of the Hail Mary, but even I know not to ask too much of the universe.

It's never been about not knowing what I want, but not knowing what I deserve. What can I ask the universe for?

Infatuated

I don't know what he's wearing, and I don't care. I love this man. Completely infatuated. Completely.

The Handmaid's Tale

Is that how we lived, then? But we lived as usual. Everyone does, most of the time. Whatever is going on is usual. Even this is as usual, now.
We lived, as usual, by ignoring. Ignoring isn't the same as ignorance, you have to work at it.
Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. There were stories in the newspapers, of course, corpses in the ditches or the woods, bludgeoned to death or mutilated, interfered with, as they used to say, but they were about other women, and the men who did such things were other men. None of them were the men we knew. The newspaper stories were like dreams to us, bad dreams dreamt by others. How awful, we would say, and they were, but they were awful without being believable. They were too melodramatic, they had a dimension that was not the dimension of our lives.
We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of print. It gave us more freedom.
We lived in the gaps between the stories.

You forgot how much you loved this song

Until it unexpectedly came on the car radio right as you park your car.

You loved it even more around the 2:59 mark when Clarence tears through the air with those delicious notes enticing every muscle in your body to move.

Then you were sad because you realize it's been exactly a month since he's been gone.

So you play the air-sax in tribute to him the song blasting from your car's window as your white trash neighbors and their friends invited to their BBQ watch.

You slowly get out of your car and slunk to your porch steps as Rat-Tail-MC-Hammer Pants yells, "Come pour one out for Clarence."

So you do.

What it feels like to

Slide down slides




Howl






Pop plastic wrap








That's how good life feels right now. That good.

Ear Candy

Death of a Naturalist

All year the flax-dam festered in the heart
Of the townland; green and heavy headed
Flax had rotted there, weighted down by huge sods.
Daily it sweltered in the punishing sun.
Bubbles gargled delicately, bluebottles
Wove a strong gauze of sound around the smell.
There were dragon-flies, spotted butterflies,
But best of all was the warm thick slobber
Of frogspawn that grew like clotted water
In the shade of the banks. Here, every spring
I would fill jampotfuls of the jellied
Specks to range on window-sills at home,
On shelves at school, and wait and watch until
The fattening dots burst into nimble-
Swimming tadpoles. Miss Walls would tell us how
The daddy frog was called a bullfrog
And how he croaked and how the mammy frog
Laid hundreds of little eggs and this was
Frogspawn. You could tell the weather by frogs too
For they were yellow in the sun and brown
In rain.
Then one hot day when fields were rank
With cowdung in the grass the angry frogs
Invaded the flax-dam; I ducked through hedges
To a coarse croaking that I had not heard
Before. The air was thick with a bass chorus.
Right down the dam gross-bellied frogs were cocked
On sods; their loose necks pulsed like sails. Some hopped:
The slap and plop were obscene threats. Some sat
Poised like mud grenades, their blunt heads farting.
I sickened, turned, and ran. The great slime kings
Were gathered there for vengeance and I knew
That if I dipped my hand the spawn would clutch it.

--- Seamus Heaney

Catching My Interest

As of late mildly obsessed with

Dave Canterbury and Cody Lundin, rock on with your bad ass selves.

Hip Hop And R&B Top 20. Not too proud but it keeps my butt working out longer.

Margaret Atwood

Tom Robbins

Ronnie and Donnie. Let your freak flag fly boys.

Denny's Pacific Northwest Iced Coffee

Seamus Heaney

Summer Solstice

Let the summer fun begin!


1. Hammock Time
2. Tina's School of Driving
3. July 4th Cookouts. Yes, in the plural.
4. Play Date with Newly Engaged friend Kate
5. Christmas in July Wedding of M&M
6. End of One Class!
7. Beach Days!
8. Batting Cages
9. Mini-golf
10. More Hammock Time
11. Salem Willows with baby AnnaLynn
12. Margaritas at the 99
13. ILLINOIS TRIP!!!
14. Jordan's Birthday!
15. End of last class!!!!!
16. Illinois State Fair!
17. Boyz II Men and MC Hammer Concert
18. Day trip to St. Louis!
19. Bike riding with Dearboyfriend
20. After dinner walks with Big Jim
21. Falling asleep outside while reading