Want a kid?

Come to Marshalls. We're giving them away free. Normally we'll have Code Adams . . . parents looking for their kids, but the last few days we've been getting kids looking for their parents. Like 3 year olds. All by themselves. So yeah . . . they're cute, they're free, and we'll even let you return them if they don't match your home decor.

"Sorry Ma'am, I couldn't find that dress you wanted, but is this scared, crying 4 year old girl yours? I found her by the door wishing she belonged to someone who gave a shit."






I can relate. That's how I feel when people leave the toilet seat up.






For sanity's sake AND because I honestly believe it, that's how I feel about all my exes. That secret could easily be mine.