I used to cry to you blog world and I suppose sometimes I still will. Then I came to a realization . . .
Lately I've been realizing how amazing the people in my life are. When you need them the most, they come through. About a month ago some guy I had been seeing came into the store where I work. My initial reaction--- run, hide. Which is exactly what I did . . . at first. I flew to the stock room called my friend and met her in her office. The last note he and I had ended on had been, er, awkward. I was almost hyperventilating so her and this other coworker were trying to calm me down. One kept telling me she understood how awkward it all was and suggested I take my lunch early (of course this meant I had to go pick up evil manager's lunch . . . but that's another story entirely). "But what if I run into him" was all I kept mumbling and by this time three lovely women were helping me with my dilemma. The thing that actually calmed me down (and I've been meaning to thank this girl for a while now) were these words, "Girl, don't let a 'man' come into your place of business and upset you like this. He's own your turf now. We're your friends, we're your coworkers. What do you want? Either way we'll all have your back." Oddly inspiring, so I teetered for a minute about wanting to ask him out again or completely ignoring him. "Well I at least want to talk to him again." So we devised a plan. I still had to go get mean manager's lunch, so one of them would walk out with me and cover me. The other two would go out and keep an eye on him while I was gone and keep me updated via text message. I also text messaged him from the road letting him know I was aware of his presence there so if he wanted to run, he could. When I got back I brought "the lunch" to "the beast" and then I walked to where he was. They were going to give me about 5 minutes to talk with him and then one of them was going to come up and call me away, giving me an excuse to leave if I needed it. Things kept getting better for me, people I knew and love were coming in to the store saying "Hi" to me giving me tons of confidence. I think the best had to be "little man," a co-worker's grandson. I had already shrugged off my "excuse to leave" and after seeing that face smile at me I knew that no matter what this cat said to me if I asked him out again I would be okay. These people would still be here for me and all they wanted was for me to be happy. I already felt like I had won.
I kind of let a lot of things build up these past few weeks and they caught up with me at work yesterday and today. Yesterday I pulled myself together, today . . . not so much. But both times the emotional support I got from the people in my life made things better and made tomorrow look brighter. About an hour ago, I was looking at things all wrong; I was going to make amends with my snooze button and all that. Not anymore. I'm happy. And that's no lie.
On a related note, I finally had a civil conversation with my mother about moving out. A few months ago I cruelly suggested to her that I was hoping to attend graduate school in Colorado and she flipped her shit. As she berated me for a good . . . 20 minutes I kept thinking, worst idea in the world. My plan all along had been to suggest Colorado so that when I suggest moving like across town she would think well, at least it's not Colorado. Life with her after that was, tense (yes "tense" would be a good way to describe it). Silly woman for believing me. Everyone who knows me knows I could never live far from the ocean.
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